"Only in the crazy ultra world. Can anyone run 160 miles in 3 days and still be disappointed! Most people train for 100k or 100 miles, and you did one of each back-to-back." - John Parks, Tripple Crown finisher, trail badass & friend.

Upon reading that text message, my eyes filled with tears, and the gentle nudge from the universe kindly reminded me, "You're missing the bigger picture."

Uncovering the events that took place at Born To Run is tricky because right now, my mind is clouded by how things ended versus how I wanted them to end. So it's safe to say I am vulnerable and still running an ultramarathon, enduring the mind games and emotions that come with it.

Wait a minute! Life is an ULTRAMARATHON! WHOA! 😲These words are profound! Such truth!

(Jk, we already knew there were similarities).

Nonetheless, writing allows me to dive deep and reflect instead of avoiding my emotions and throwing myself a party with black confetti. I need this to see the BIGGER picture, meditate, and draw attention to my overall experience rather than zooming in to the end.

So, if you've been here before, then you know I will not give you a "race recap" because it's cheap and overplayed. But I will provide you with an account of my adventure.

Let's get comfortable, 🛋️ shall we?

After my first Born To Run experience (last year), I vowed to make this run a part of my ritual (Not a cult), a part of my yearly experience. Born To Run is held on a Private cattle ranch outside of Santa Barbra. It's intimate, festive, and uncensored.

BTR is the type of run where the pressures of "racing" are the only ones you put on yourself. It's an event where slowing down enough to talk with your neighbor on the course to share miles and revel in the camaraderie of "this is fucking crazy" is the utmost beautiful feeling.

This extravaganza recharges and resets my flow; as you can see, it's a must for me. Oh, and there is no cell service! So you are utterly FREE!

On Wednesday, April 12, 2023, at 11:30 AM, I walked to the main stage for the 4-day pre-race meeting I was kicking off at noon. (so our days went from noon - noon). It was the first time I'd been toeing the line without Mike alongside me (Mike has walked me to the start of every event/race for the last 6 1/2 years).

And I was okay with that because I was among friends - old and new. Standing there all bright-eyed, I drew my attention to Luis Escobar (race director) reviewing all safety information and the order of the course; pink, yellow, stripes, and "blue is bad." Like school children repeating back the information to ensure we understood. And this entire time, I did not feel anxious or nervous; I was jubilant, gushing with laughter. Then finally, the delivery of the "Caballo Blanco Oath" - Well, kind of. Luis presented it a little differently, which became quite entertaining (you can hear the whole "oath" here if you are interested).

My plan for the event was 180 miles; this number meant nothing to me; it wasn’t witchcraft, nor was there a magical connection. But this number provided me with the flexibility to play. My coach and I agreed on set mileage gotta set boundaries because I'd run myself wild for the four days;

Day 1, 50 miles
Day 2, 50 miles
Day 3, 40 miles
Day 4, 40 miles

Day 1: Allow me to introduce myself

I struggle with introducing myself; I'm not very good at sparking conversations with strangers. And in my attempts, I come off as clumsy. But! when I am on the trail, (YO!) I am excited to talk to everyone. I spent most of my time getting to know some incredible souls running with me. I had the pleasure of sharing miles with a remarkable poise, human by the name of Toan. The connection felt as if we had been old friends. We spoke of our journeys, gratitude, and how we found ourselves at BTR. I naturally began to share my current struggles, and Toan, with such nobility, expressed words of encouragement. It's an enchanting opportunity to be vulnerable with strangers. I guess BTR does that to you.

I met someone else that day, full of light and playfulness. He was pretty funny; I nicknamed him Georgia for the apparent reason of where he was from, and he dubbed me "Trail Slayer." He passed the vibe check, making jokes and expressing his love for tacos and cooking. Seeing him around camp and the course was always a treat. He always had a smile and something charismatic to say.

Day 2: Party On

In all my days of running (or my entire relationship with Mike), would I ever think of receiving an offer to "pace" from Mike. Like EVER!

It was only a short time before all the runners were scattered, and since this course was two ten-mile loops meeting in the center, it was easy to lose sight of others. So, loneliness began setting in. Knowing this, Mike provided me with a report of how my friends were doing and offered to join me for the last 4 miles of one of my loops. I was excited to share the ranch's sights and greenery with him. When I arrived at the hill where Mike was waiting, I felt this enormous smile on my face. But! Jane! My girl Jazzy Jane (technically volunteering), but she was there.

And well, I kindly asked her if she'd be willing to share some evening miles with me as well. I did not want her to feel like she packed her running gear for nothing, ha!

Jane and I shared a sunset, had pancakes, and rambled about our favorite sitcoms.

Day 3: The Dream Team & Beer Mile

I am privileged that the individuals who have helped crew me at these events are unique. They are family, have given their time, rang cowbells, and been a part of my life for the last 6 1/2 years. Equally, I understand family crewing can get messy.

Mike and Marc, however, are the dream team. They are MY dream team. They developed a system and worked together to care for me with a common goal. Marc constantly asks questions with his vision - "gotta get ready for Leadville and Moab." He used his healing hands to tape hot spots, wash my feet and resupply my pack. When Mike wasn't pacing, he cooked for me, making me the BEST SWEET POTATO QUESADILLA (you're welcome)!

At 4:00 PM on the ranch, there is a beer mile every day. So, I did what any sane person would do, and I participated. I did have a partner. My friend Cindy and I joined forces and ran the "relay beer mile." Instead of drinking four beers, we had two each and ran a quarter mile each. Our prize for completing this chugging competition was kid beach shovels. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we wore these beach shovels proudly and basked in the warm thoughts of "this was fucking crazy."

Day 4: Poppin' Bottles

When you sign up for the four-day event, there is no set mileage you need to complete. Instead, you choose what you want to do when you want to do it within the allotted time. So, Saturday morning, I slept in; at this point, I was 150 miles in and only had 30 more miles to reach my goal. However, I began to acknowledge that I had a severe problem. I started to develop tightness towards the end of evening three, which brought pain during dorsi flexion. My anterior Tibialis - my shin, had become bruised, and my ankle was swollen. I, alongside Marc and Hannah, was trying to solve this mystery of "how and what." (it turns out I ruptured my anterior Tibialis, grade 1)

Sometimes (I think), we forget about the risk (Or at least I do). Goal chasing is risky; racing is risky, and the possibility of getting injured or hurt isn't taking space up in our brains, but when shit happens, things can become a bit grim pretty quickly.

Before I headed out, Mike sat beside me and said, "Do not cause further injury that Leadville and Moab are no longer possibilities."

I decided to run one loop that afternoon, and hiking hurt more than running, so I ran. I did it to clear my head, cry, call my best friend Michelle from the top of the ridge, and ask myself the tough questions.

Like why was I so fucking sad? Why did not hitting my bruja number goal mean so much to me?

When I returned to the main camp, Mike and Marc were eager to refill my pack. I shook my head, sat in a camp chair, and asked for a beer. I looked at them both, hiding my sad eyes behind my sunglasses. Then, with 160 miles on my legs, I told Mike I was done running. We grabbed the bottle of champagne I had hoped to pop at 180 miles, and I hobbled through the arch for the last time.

What is memorable about that day is the love and support that was evidently present. Mike, Marc, Hannah, Fab, and I continued ringing our cowbells for the other runners. I attended prom (yes, there is a prom), I walked Mike to the start of his 10-mile race (against Fab), and a late-night pasta dinner underneath the stars sealed the evening.

Home.

Now that everything is said and done, I've been home for nine days immobile, on crutches, and complete rest. I am expressing gratitude and spotlighting all the wonders of this experience. However, I acknowledge that this injury does not change my identity, nor does it define me.

I admit and smile at the fact that I am victorious. Although my injury wasn't part of MY perfect ending, the experience was perfect. It was ideal because I learned something new. This experience allowed me to try new things, strategize sleep, and push myself out of my comfort zone, and after the 100-mile mark, it felt so natural to keep running. I didn't even think twice. I just ran. Lastly, I am now put in a position to focus on being stronger - physically, spiritually, and mentally. I've said it before, and I hold true to this "Every Set Back Has a Comeback." We are just getting started, baby.

As always,

I am ringing my cowbell for you! Happy Trails!

Quote of the Week: "And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about."

― Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

Song of the Week: William Prince, Wasted

Side Note:

Please let me know if you have any questions or if there is a topic you want me to cover in more depth, let me know; I am happy to help. As I continue to write blogs, I want to add more value to you (the reader), whether sharing my stories/experiences, gear, training tips, etc.

I'm here for you!

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