I know what I said, and that blog tab has not been updated since April - eek. I can't blame it on writer's block because the ideas are there, but I haven't been in a creative space to write. We've had plenty of distractions at home with remodels and repairs. I'll admit it's been challenging to sit and let my fingers flow with banging and strangers walking around your house, including keeping Rebel calm.

So where am I currently?

At this moment, it's Saturday, 8/12/2023; I am in my rooftop tent, sheltering from the rain. I am surrounded by Quaking Aspen, Blue Spruce, and Englemann Spruce, to name a few. There are tall peaks in front of me and the sounds of the Clear Creek River flowing. I am without service and have been for the last two days. Rebel is sleeping beside me, buried underneath his quilt, and I am fighting for a little bit of his warmth (he keeps moving and taking all the goodness with him). Mosquitos have bitten me in the most awkward places; my face, neck, and back. We've been caught in thunderstorms, but even the thunder doesn't keep the mosquitos away (relentless little monsters). They always seem to find me.

I left for Colorado Monday, August 7th, to acclimate for The Leadville 100mi, and I've been camping all over. It's been quite some time since I've camped on my own. And leading up to this moment, I was planning, prepping, and packing for a camping trip and running a 100 miler. I'll admit I was overwhelmed because, underneath all the emotions and excitement, I was scared. No matter how much I tried to push and shove my fears with sage and affirmations, they burst through the door and flooded my brain with "what if's" and telling me how I couldn’t possibly do x-y-z (I know my brain was trying to keep me safe, but there is no growth in safe).

In a moment of panic, I texted one of my group chats, "I am freaking the fuck out." Only to receive a call immediately from Izzy saying, "Hey, Chingona do you need a pep talk?" With all these emotions and doubts playing on in the background – the moment I got on the road and all the dust settled, I knew in my soul there was no way in hell I was turning around. I repeated to myself, "I am not my thoughts," there I went, with a car full, Rebel, and my heart.

Through this experience, something that is sticking out like a sore thumb is how capable I am and have been. I've managed to start several campfires, set up and break up camp, load and unload my car, navigate, drive down a 4x4 road (thanks, Mike), keep myself and Rebel safe, poop in the woods, and be in some beautiful places. And to top it all off, the quality of my sleep is the best I've had in a long time.

And right now, you might be thinking, did you do all this for one race? It is more than about the race; I have always felt that running ultras is a spiritual journey. Through each adventure, I've peeled back layers and layers of fears, insecurities, self-worth, unforgiveness, shame, and love (to name a few).

There is just something healing and divine about the mountains I can't explain.

And as I am rereading this and sitting with a tender heart, fear and capability are heavily present.

I'm not talking about the fear of not making cut-offs or crossing the finish line. I am speaking on something much deeper than that. At the core of my soul, I've always been afraid.

I've held myself back due to fear.

I’ve ruined relationships due to fear.

I’ve shamefully hidden due to fear.

…you get the point.

And I've never had the nurturing tools to disassemble or observe my fears, let alone talk about them - until now. It's pretty freeing, sitting with it and not running from it (like I've been).

In the last few days sitting with my fears, the words I am capable are echoing in my heart. Not only am I totally capable, but I am showing myself I can do more than manage my fears like my work peers. But in this experience, I am reclaiming my power. And what I've learned thus far is that it's okay to feel fear; it's human. What is not okay is to let my fears keep me stuck on repeat.

So, Circling back to the question - All for one race?

Yes.

I did plan this adventure to acclimate for the legendary "Race Across The Sky." However, because of this race, I've peeled back another layer. And it showed me who I have been and who I am transforming into.

So here we go; On Saturday, August 19th, at 4:00 am, I will put one foot in front of the other and press onward a transformed me.

As always,

I am ringing my cowbell for you (and hopefully you’ll be ringing yours for me too!)

Happy Trails!

Quote of the Week:“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"

Song of the Week: Iniko, Jericho

Like an Onion

MILAGROS

Peace. Love.& Born To Run